Harry Sue
by Generatedname
Summary: Due to an astounding magical coincidence, Mary Sue and her husband Marty found a young, abused boy named Harry. Adopted into the Sue family, Harry Sue goes to Hogwarts already knowing of his identity as the Chosen One and the most powerful wizard of his age. Parody of all those Mary Sue fics out there.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I LIVE! I have returned from my hiatus, and have decided to start a new story, namely this parody fic. It is not meant to be taken seriously, rather it is supposed to make fun of the various Mary Sue fics out there.**

**Prologue: Meet the Sues**

Mary Sue was a kind woman. She lived with her husband, Marty Sue, in a large manor on a hill in southern England, and were very well respected by the nearby population. Of course, the Sues were no ordinary family, as they were the latest in one of the oldest magical lines in the wizarding world, and each of them had magical power that could rival Merlin himself.

Of course, they were humble and never showed off their power to the rest of the world. In fact, most of the wizarding world did not even know they existed, which suited them all the better, as they were left alone to perform more of their research on magic and accumulate yet more power.

Every week, the Sues would leave their manor and go for a trip to Diagon Alley, in order to purchase various magical ingredients, doing so in disguise of course. It wouldn't do for people to recognize them, as they were also in possession of an improved design of the sorceror's stone, which they called the philosopher's stone. This stone could not only be used in any permanent magical transmutation, but it could also create both elixirs of eternal life and eternal youth. Thus, the Sues had lived for hundreds of years, eternally young and immortal.

However, on one of their trips, the portkey they were using misfired, and landed them in the middle of a certain street, in front of Number 4, Privet Drive. They had appeared out of thin air, and had naturally disillusioned themselves as soon as they landed, being visible for only a fraction of a second. They then set out on a walk, intending to make it to Diagon Alley to continue their trip, but then a black blur raced by them, pursued closely by several bigger boys.

"Kill the freak! Kill the freak!" They chanted.

With their mage sight, the Sues could easily see that the bullies' quarry was, in fact, a wizard, one with an abnormally large magical core, one which could grow to surpass even the Sues!

"Oh Marty, we simply must save him!" Mary said through her telepathic link with her husband.

"I agree." Marty Sue replied, and with a wave of his hand, the pursuing boys fell to the ground like puppets with their strings cut. The little black haired boy noticed this, and stopped running, collapsing in exhaustion. Mary Sue quickly scooped him up into her arms and turned to her husband.

"Will you finish the trip to Diagon Alley? I must make sure that the poor boy is alright." She said, before apparating away to the Sue manor.

Appearing in the foyer, she ran up to one of the unused rooms, which was promptly transformed into an opulent bedroom. Laying the boy down on the conjured bed, she quickly began to wandlessly cast a set of healing and diagnostics spells. She quickly saw the evidence of severe malnutrition and physical abuse, and quickly undid the damage, strengthening bones and building muscle. Soon, the abused boy resembled a healthy and strong 5 year old child. However, one of the diagnostics spells turned up dark. There was something on the young boy's soul, leeching off of him like the parasite it was. The boy was a horcrux. Quickly tracing a set of glowing white runes in the air, Mary began to chant. A scream, and the parasite was destroyed, leaving the boy's body in the form of a black mist.

Finishing her incantation, Mary waved her hand and the boy woke up. Looking around the room he was in, his eyes settled on the beautiful woman who was standing over him, a smile on her face.

"Where... Where am I?" The boy asked fearfully.

"Don't worry. I have rescued you from those who would abuse you so. You are at Sue manor, little wizard." Mary replied, kindly.

"Wizard? I'm not a wizard, I'm just a freak. Auntie 'tunia and Uncle Vernon said so." Harry replied.

"You are most assuredly not a freak! You are quite possibly the most powerful wizard of this age, and I will be sure to raise you like one, or my name isn't Mary Sue!"

"What do you mean? I have to go back to my cupboard, don't I?" The boy asked.

"No, of course not! If you so wish, I can adopt you into the Sue family and you will never have to even set eyes on your detestable guardians ever again!"

"Do you really mean it?" The boy asked excitedly.

"Of course! Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?" Mary exclaimed, and quickly opened a portal to an extradimensional storage space containing every potion she had ever made. Among them were several blood adoption potions.

Taking the bottle out, she dropped a single strand of her hair into the bottle, watching the liquid change from grey to bright gold, before taking another strand of hair from the boy. Dropping it in, she watched a spiral of emerald green form inside.

"Now, what is your name?" Mary asked.

"Harry Potter, I think, but everyone calls me Freak, so I don't know."

"Very well then. I hereby proclaim that Harry Potter shall now be named Harry Sue in accordance to his adoption into the Venerable, Ancient, and Noble House of Sue, so mote it be." A corona of golden light formed around her, extending to the boy in question. The potion glowed, signifying Magic's acceptance of the adoption. She handed the vial to Harry Potter, soon to be renamed Harry Sue.

"Drink this, and the ritual will be complete." Mary said, and Harry complied. There was a bright flash of green light, and Harry changed. His emerald green eyes became flecked with gold, and his body changed to radiate a pristine, noble aura, the strength of which surprised even Mary. The boy was indeed powerful.

Soon, Harry had stopped glowing, and looked at his hands in wonder.

"Congratulations, Harry Sue. Welcome to the Sue family." Mary Sue said, smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Placeholder for argument as to why this story is not Sue-some)**

**(Placeholder for reasons that supposedly support the above argument, but actually weaken it)**

**(Placeholder for insults against reviewers accusing the story of being Sue-some)**

**Chapter 1- Life with the Sues**

Albus Dumbledore sat on his throne of solid gold in the secret room beneath his office in Hogwarts, looking over a set of magical monitoring devices that were keeping an eye on the status of Harry Potter. The latest readings were... concerning. It seemed like Harry had somehow managed to escape the compulsions keeping him in the house, and that was not good at all.

The strains of organ music sounded out again as Snape started a new song, his lackey's spindly, black robed figure perched on a chair in front of a massive church organ, his fingers dancing over the keys. Hellfire belched out of the tops of the various pipes making up the instrument, bathing the candlelit room in flashes of deep red.

A loud buzz caused Dumbledore to swivel his throne 90 degrees to the right in order to look at one of the instruments. The device in question had just gone berserk, indicating that the trackers on the boy it was following had been removed. Dumbledore blasted the offending instrument into oblivion before turning his throne back to its original position, a frown on his bearded face. Just then, with a burst of hellfire, Fawkes, his demonic bird companion, flamed into the room, a report in his talons. Taking the sheet of parchment in his hands, Dumbledore read its contents, a smile slowly growing on his face.

"It seems that little Tommie has been located in Albania. I admit, he's been rather adept at staving off death, but he has once again underestimated his betters!" Dumbledore's mind began to concoct ways of luring out his rival for the power of darkness, the first since Grindlewald. Finally, an idea came to him. He had an annoying pawn by the name of Quirrel, whom he would dispatch to Albania, using him as bait. Tom knew of Quirrel's status as Dumbledore's unaware pawn, and couldn't resist the chance to get close, and when he did...

Dumbledore began to laugh, slowly and softly at first, but progressively growing louder and louder until the walls themselves reverberated with the dark power of the Laugh of Evil. In the background, Snape started a new song, the strains from the hellish instrument mixing in with the sound of Dumbledore's evil laughter. Soon, everything would come to pass as Dumbledore desired.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at the Sue household, Harry was having his magic focus crafted. The Sues had decided that his core was simply too powerful for a mundane wand to handle, so they decided to craft him a full blown, 12 core magical staff. They had decided to make the staff body out of a branch of the great tree Yggdrasil, and each of the twelve foci were to be selected from only the finest stock. The current cores were laid out, ready for insertion into the staff.<p>

After much deliberation, Harry had decided on Griffon feathers, Phoenix feathers, Dragon Heartstring, Unicorn Hair, Basilisk Heartstring, Runespoor Scales, Nundu fur, Essences of Fire, Water, Air, and Earth, and Goblin Earwax. The final core was, at first, repulsive to Harry, but it was explained to him that Goblin Earwax allowed for him to manipulate the magics of other races in addition to his own through use of his staff. The staff would be tipped with a giant green diamond, cut into a massive amount of facets, designed to refract magic for non-linear delivery to the target, or in layman's terms, allowing Harry to curve his spells around shields and obstacles. Finally, the staff would be covered in millions of microscopic runic arrays, which would amplify the power of any spell cast with the staff by up to a thousandfold should Harry wish. The making of such a staff would normally take several years of hard work, but with the power of the Sues, it would only take a minute.

Harry watched in curiosity as his two new parents chanted in latin, glowing runes surrounding the staff, while thousands more flew towards the staff every second, embedding themselves into the microscopic arrays that would coat the magic staff. Finally, the staff was completed.

"Take it, Harry, and let's go out and learn some magic!" Marty Sue said, giving the newly crafted staff to Harry. Harry felt the rush of power overtake him as he gripped his new staff, and saw arcs of red and gold lightning exit the crystal at the staff's end.

Staff still crackling with magical energy, Harry followed his father out of the manor, stopping at a dueling platform.

"When will we get to do magic?" Harry asked impatiently.

"You must have patience, Harry. Emotional control is the first step in achieving total control of magic in its purest form. Now, the first thing you must know is that magic is determined entirely by intent. Incantations are useless, other than for giving the mind something to focus. For example, while we were crafting your staff, we simply chanted the instructions for making cheesecake in latin. It just gives the mind something to focus on so that magic can perform its task without distractions. Now, I want you to will your magic to create a chair for you to sit in." Marty said, then waved his hand, causing a comfortable couch to appear.

Harry did as he was told, and imagined a chair appearing out of thin air in front of him, and lo and behold, a great, gilded throne appeared. Harry sat in it, ignoring the gasp of awe from Marty. The chair was perfect in every way, the seats having just enough cushion, and the back being perfectly springy. As Harry sat down, a warming charm engaged, and the massage function activated.

"Wow... That is a nice chair indeed. Now, I will be teaching you how to duel with magic. As I have said, magic isn't about incantation, but rather about intent, so you will never need to learn any foolish incantations. My wife, meanwhile, will be teaching you runecraft, potions, and arithmancy. I expect you to have mastered those topics by the time you are eleven years old, as that is when you will be sent to Wizarding School at Hogwarts."

"Wait, there is a magic school too?" Harry asked.

"Yes, but you won't learn anything there, as by then you will have mastered everything to do with magic. Instead, you will be sent there in order to forge alliances, and maybe meet a girl or two, or even three. After all, as both of us are more than two hundred years old, our family is considered to be extinct in conventional lawbooks, so as the Sue heir, you will likely need a large harem to repopulate the family!" Marty said, chuckling.

"What was that about harems?" The voice of Mary Sue sounded out.

"Nothing, nothing dear! Nothing at all!" Marty replied, panic in his voice. "Anyway, as I was saying, we are grooming you to be the next ruler of the magical world, and to fix the mess that the current ministry of magic has made of our world. Do you understand this?"

"Yes. I do." Harry said, understanding fully.

"Very well then. En garde! Let me test your mettle as a dueler!" Marty said, flourishing his wand and pointing it at Harry, who was so surprised that he released a bolt of accidental magic from his staff, the arc of green lightning slamming into Marty's chest, only to be absorbed by the runic arrays in Marty's shirt.

"Nice! Always strike first!" Marty said, returning fire, only for it to be deflected by a barrier that Harry had conjured. Focusing his magic, Harry then released another bolt of energy, this one curving around Marty's shields and striking him in the back, overpowering the millions of supercharged runic arrays, and ending the duel.

"Excellent work! I have a feeling that you will be quite the prodigy!" Marty said, standing up and dusting himself off.

Laughing, the two made their way back to the manor, the sun setting behind them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And chapter two is now done. Next chapter will be the rest of Harry's life at the Sues' house and the trip to Diagon Alley. I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Harry Sue!**

**On a side note, I want to write a more serious, Dark and Evil Harry fic where Harry is NOT brought up by Voldemort or is the wrong BWL, as I'm finding a distinct lack of those on this site. **


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